What if getting our way wasn’t a confrontational process? What if negotiation wasn’t something to fear?
Let’s start with the assumption that the person on the other side of the table is, in general, a reasonable human. Let’s presume that they have some goal in mind that makes sense to them and, further, that it’s ok for them to want that. Let’s believe that they’re operating in good faith.
Next, reach for empathy. Provide compassion for our negotiating partner and their position. We don’t have to agree. But we absolutely do have to try to hear them. Understand that their truth is as valid as ours and consider it with care.
Instead of “starting high,” stonewalling to save face, or working for some advantage, consider clearly stating your end game. What really, really matters? Let them do the same. Quietly let those sit there and see if any way to accommodate both presents itself.
Let’s not assume we know what they’re thinking. Let’s not hamper our process by thinking “they’ll say no if I ask for X” or “they won’t like this idea because of Y.” We don’t know. The only factor we can control in this conversation is ourselves so let’s just tell our truth, ask our questions, and receive feedback without judgement or defensiveness.
We should be ready for an unexpected, unanticipated solution to present itself and, when it does, we shouldn’t dismiss it because it doesn’t match our preconceived notions of what success would look like.
By providing an environment where everyone has space and time to consider their options and by telling the truth scrupulously we have created a chance for grace. When it appears, let us be grateful and close the deal.
P.S. None of the above applies to an engagement with an irrational or abusive trading partner. Avoid those. There are other options.